running up that hill

so last week, through a seemingly innocent inquiry for her phone number, i discovered that my sister is now a born-again christian. here's the disclaimer. i couldn't care if she were muslim, wiccan, or non-practicing catholic, let alone christian. you put your faith where you want and you believe what you believe for whatever reasons make sense to you. i have absolutely no problem with it at all. when people try to convert me and get all up in my grill, that's what upsets me.

my email signature reads "lift your skinny fists like antennas to heaven", which is the title of a gy!be album. i like the phrase, it conjures up an interesting visual. so last week, i realized i didn't have my sister's current phone number and i emailed her asking for it. she replies with the number, letting me know how she and her family are doing and asking me how i am. it's all good. the next paragraph contains the following (para)phrases:

• i shouldn't be raising my fists in anger at god
• i should watch pat robertson and the 700 club
• i should go to church to meet people with integrity and values
• if i go to church, i might meet a girl who might soften my hardened heart and help crack my shell that i've built up against women

you get the idea.

we go back and forth. she says she took my email signature as a sign that i wanted to religiously connect with her. she says she wanted to share god's promise with me and that everyone in the family was afraid to talk to me because i am unable to communicate in a loving manner. the more she went on, the more she sounded like our mother...just kinda going on and on to anyone who will pause to listen. she said she's always been a christian and always will be. actually, that's not true, she came to visit two years ago and there was not a word about it. she accused me of having a satanic bible, which i do have. the funny thing is i got it from her when we were teenagers. i just wanted to check it out a bit, big deal. i have a king james bible as well, but she didn't see fit to mention or ask about that.

so we went at it pretty good. yeah, i was/am upset with her, but not because of her beliefs. like i said, i couldn't care which religion she subscribes to, as long as i don't have to hear about it. it's such a personal issue. if you find someone to connect with, that's great. if you know the other person isn't interested, then let it go. if they want to ask, they'll ask. the thing that pisses me off is that she's throwing that, plus all this other crap, in my face. it's not fucking cool at all, especially when she doesn't know me half as well as she thinks she does.

i stopped writing her kind of abruptly. she can have the last word, i don't fucking care. anyway, i hate arguing. am i right? no, religion is subjective. i respect her belief and it's my choice not to go that route. am i wrong to get upset? no, we're all individuals. if i didn't get upset, i would think there might be something wrong with me. and while i have plenty of faults, i don't think they're as extreme or pronounced as she makes them out to be.

so what have i learned from this? i'm not sure, really. i do know that i probably won't talk to her for a while, i'll just get bent outta shape if i do. besides, we aren't exactly the closest of brothers and sisters, it's not like we spoke every week. all i do know is that i'm not interested in religion and i don't want anybody trying to get me on their team, so to speak. i did ask her when she converted and why, but i didn't try to talk her out of it. i'm not trying to make myself out to be the victim, i don't think either of us is wrong. i just would rather she not try to convert me, i thought she would know better.